For the first time since 1918, we are poised for a solar eclipse across the U.S. While eclipses happen with some frequency (every 18 months, or so) they are partial eclipses and not well seen in North America. That is about to change and everyone is losing their minds.

On August 21st, we will have a total eclipse of the heart sun. Come on, man, I couldn’t resist. This will be the first time a total solar eclipse has passed from one coast of the U.S. to the other in 99 years!!!! It is expected that some 7.4 million people will descend along the the path of totality on eclipse day. Experts state that this will boost local economies and create RIDICULOUS traffic jams. In fact, I read that this might be the greatest temporary mass migration of humans to see a natural event in U.S. history. COUNT. ME. OUT.

People are weird. In good ways and bad ways, but weird all the same. Put them in a crowd and stupid sets in. Add a dash of lunar lunacy, and it’s a situation that gives me hives. As a believer in moon madness, I can only imagine what that trifecta of pressure will yield, and I didn’t even factor in traffic jams.

If you are an intrepid sort with full body armor and a high tolerance for people, you may enjoy following others on eclipse adventures. It may be a little late, but operators like Eclipse Tours  and  Grand American Adventures may have something right up your alley.

As a lover of the sun and a child of the moon, I will be having my own eclipse party far away from the madding crowd, sporting these beauties. Bill Nye in my eye? My, oh my!